I couldn't htink of what else to say goodbye with, even though it may not be forever, at least for a good while, so included are some quotes I found, just because I htoght they should be known.......

*There are many tears in the heart that never reach the eye*

Tears are the words your heart cannot say*

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp; Of Silk & Silhouettes       & nbsp;

Introduction:

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Our story begins in a fairly large house in a small town called Roesville. Bram Abernethy had moved here with his mother, Blair Channing. She had woken him up only two days prior to this and told them they’d be moving, away from all the people he knew, his friends, his life. This was the eighth time in the past year and a half they’d moved. They weren’t in the best of financial situations, and having his mom’s side of the family turn them away because he was a bastard child didn’t help.  His father kept coming after them because they’d turned him in for selling drugs, and he wanted them gone. He was released a few years ago and ever since then, they’d been on the run.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;     Chapter 1: Doors that lead to nowhere…..

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Getting out of the car, backpack in hand; he started walking up the stairs to his new home. That was what his mom called it anyway; she called everyplace home, figuring it would change the fact why they were there anyway. They’d been running from his father for almost two years now, and calling the places the moved to “home”, just seemed like a joke. “Bram, carry something other than that old backpack up here, we’re going to be living here now. We don’t want to spend all day moving, do we?” His mother wasn’t the nicest of people, she tried, at times, but she was just a bitter woman.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   He pulled a couple of suitcases with him and made his way to the front door. On his way up, he saw something move in the shadows beneath the porch. His mother, Blair, came out to call for him again. “Bram, stop staring into space and get your ass in here, you have to put all your junk away.” Junk, never stuff, never things, his stuff was always junk to her. Shaking his head, he went into the house. From the outside the place didn’t seem that big, but on the inside, it was more of a Victorian style mansion, but everything was covered in year’s worth of dust. Coughing some, he put covered his nose with his sleeve and walked up the stairs.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Of course, he had the smallest room, but in this house, it was the biggest he’d had so far. It needed a little work, but it was decent, considering the hell holes they’d lived in before. He set the suitcases down and sat on the bed in the room. When he did, dust flew everywhere, causing the light to refract off of it giving the room a dimly lit, yellow glow, the specks sparkling some as they shifted through the air. He got out his notebook to write and noticed the closet door being open. Normally he wouldn’t think to much, but this house hadn’t seen any residents in probably twenty years or more, and the spot that was clean hadn’t had any more dust fall onto it. Putting down the notebook, he opened the closet door, and moths flew out by the dozens.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Covering his face with one hand, he swatted at the moths with his other. They cleared out and he saw two small indentations in the wall, about a foot and a half apart. He put his fingers in the little marks and pulled, popping out a ladder. “What the fuck?” he said under his breath, not sure why there was a ladder in his closet. “Bram, get down here, you need to eat something for lunch. I swear, you’re going to end up anorexic if you don’t start eating more.” His mother’s voice always freaked him out, especially if he wasn’t expecting it, so he slammed the ladder back in, dust falling over him. “Goddamnit, just my luck.” Walking down the stairs, he thought he heard something in the wall; he shrugged it off, not wanting to get yelled at again.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   Cleaning up the dishes after lunch, he walked out side to get some fresh air. All that dust was bothering his allergies. He walked around back to the grove, it used to be orange trees, maybe apple, but nothing other than leaves grew on them now. There was a huge willow tree in the middle, though getting to it was a bitch. The trees were a lot thicker here and the bushes more dense. The spot was so secluded, seemed so serene, he couldn’t pass it up. Bram hadn’t been on of the toughest sixteen year olds, but he did pretty well.

Currently listening to: The Exies "Baptize Me"

Current mood: Pleased

But enough of that, still got me deppressing thoughts, good news, I'm happy. I got to freak out on this jerk who made a dear friend of mine cry, and got all the pent up anger out. Most of it anyway. Things are starting to look up, relationship wise, the only bad part, not that she's older but, she liives far away. Me in PA, her in NY. Anyway, yeah, just thought I'd update you all, tty later, bai

“Happiness, how ever good it may seem, is always fleeting. Like a boy trying to hug a memory of his long gone mother, how do you hold on to something that’s always going to go away, and leave you worse off then before?”

Thoughts of suicide dancing in my head

Would anyone care if I was gone, if I was dead

Not anyone notices who I am

If anyone actually cared I’d be damned

I already am, for reasons unknown

Happiness is only a charade, pain is what is shown

Everyone says they’ll do this and that, but only tells me to wait

In times like these, trying is useless, how can anyone say “Life is great”

Happiness has become just another way to break me down

This ocean of tears I’ve cried, is so wide, would anyone care if I drown?

I’m ready to leave; tired of love, now where the hell should I turn

It’s my fucking death day, tie me to a crucifix, and let me burn

People try to make things better, hugs and words alike

But they only seem to piss me off, they’ve got the match and so they strike

Lighting the fuse to the time bomb that has become of my mind and me

I know there is no way to explain this, no way to make people see

My hearts become so cold and empty, like an endless void, an empty black hole

I always just seem to drift on by, my heart is bleeding and so is my soul

So tell me what you think I am who you thought I was

Then tell me that there’s a reason for everything everyone does

Why should I be treated like shit, put down, just because it’s happened before?

How the hell can things get better, what makes you so damn sure?

Well my time is up, and now I’m going, not much more to say

 So I’ll give you my heart, that emptiness, and I’ll be on my way

If you want to come along, all you have to do

Is look in the mirror, think of who I was, and see that me is you

Because my dear you’ve cried an ocean, and I don’t want you to drown

Sitting there crying, not knowing what to do

I’m sitting here confused, I want to help you

I wish there was some way that I could cheer you up

I know your feeling down and life is fucked

No one to listen, no one seeming to care

I want to let you know that I’ll always be there

I know we don’t live close, or have known each other long

But I care for you deeply; I feel our friendship is strong

You listen when I bitch about my stupid little problems

And even if you didn’t say much, you’ve kind of helped me solve them

If there’s anything I can do, just say the word

I hope you know with me, you will always be heard

Even if you think no one will ever hear you out

I’m always a call away if you need to cry or shout

If you need a shoulder for support, I’ve always got two

And if there is something you need, there’s not much I won’t do

I know this poems short, stupid, and poorly thought out

And I know that in your mind there is a lot of doubt

This rhyming may seem silly, childish you could say

But I’ll always be here to listen, day after day

Where does one turn when all exits have been blocked, and all roads are forked paths? How does one see, when the light is so bright it blinds? How does one wake, when the dreams are the only things that can keep you from falling into an abyss of dismal depression? Then again, how does one sleep, for the fear that memories will resurface as nightmares, and take hold, causing one to panic so that the person can never move forward? How do you heal, from being tortured by all the things you cherish most, and putting your trust in only a fading hope? How do you find that love that you lost so long ago, and hope it to return, only pushing it away because you don’t want to end up in that same place you’ve been trying so hard to escape? There are so many questions to which answers are of very little help. And the only place you could expect to find the answers is a place that doesn’t require much searching. In the darkest, deepest depths of our minds, lies the answers to all we wish to find. It hides for fear of being known, and of the damage it can cause once it has been known. Running and drudging more from the past, than of the future and present dangers. Because no matter how well you think you know yourself, to you, you’ll always be that nameless face, that soundless voice, the one they call, stranger.

I sit here, thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made. All those needed things that were never said. About how I tend to let go of the most important things, and if they do stick around, how I never let them know what’s really on my mind. Because I’ve lost so much I don’t want to lose anymore. So I sit here, on my dark side of the moon, regret overflowing every tear that crosses my cheek, and falls slowly, silently to the ground. The light, and life inside, almost extinguished, only persisting because it one day hopes to be let back out. And yet here I sit, angry, depressed, trying to put on that brave face, but only seeming lost, and broken. My stare empty, and whole, looking at everything, yet nothing in particular. Songs of a time long past playing around in my head, filling every pore of my being with feelings I don’t want to admit having. I just want to let these treacherous waters recede, but the waves keep crashing down on me, continuously carrying me out further into the say, the endless ocean that has become my mind. And just under this red sun glazed surface, there exists that dark, crushing abyss, from which few survive its awesome depths. And again, here I am on this cold side of the moon, and someone from long ago comes back, singing her melody of happiness, with an undertone of pain. A tune that helps to calm the ever beating heart of the savage beast within. She too not wanting to reveal her true self, not only because she doesn’t let many people in, but because we are alike, and almost have forgotten who we really are. So here we sit, both on this desolate side of the moon, together in our agony……

Things just got worse. Again, names have been changed.

Girl #6, Amy, another long time friend-Great, she's great, but now things got complicated with us, I mean, we're still just friends but now there's more to it. We've made an even deeper connection, and, idk, I'm so damn confused about this.

Why the hell can't I just shut up and not care for once.....

Okay, here I go. Well, I know I don't really have the right to complain, because most guys would love to have wmoan problems, but I doubt like these. There are five whom my heart is torn for.

Note: Names have been changed to protect the privacy of the following individuals.

Girl #1. Jessica, the ex-After all this time she admitted she was the reason we went our ways and is, happy we're talking again.

Girl #2. Amanda, curren gf-At furst everything was going fine, and  then, we both got busier, her more than I. There's a whole lot more to this but to make it short, I feel a more, brotherly or parental kind of love for her, tho I'm not sure how to tll her because she has cut before and, I'm not sure what she'll do.

Girl #3 Samantha, new love interest-Okay, the deal with her is that she and I have ben friends for awhile. and she's going through some rough times and so am I. We're there for each other, and she listens to me, and truelly cares. I'd like to be with her but, see girl #2 for the reason why I can't.

Girl #4 Angela, a friend from the past-Me and her actually met on here, but didn't really start talking until about a week ago. And we have just about everything in common, favorite songs, things we like, even down to the things we do in our spare time, the way we talk, and our views on things. We haven't know each other long but I feel  a strong connection with her, like some unbreakable bond that will stand the tests of time.

Girl #5 Rebbeca, what would I do without her-Again, me and her haven't known each other long but I seriously don't know what I'd do wihtout her. We're eacho other's support, and she and I talk and try and help each other out with our problems, wether it be one of us is sick, or having relationship problems, or home work, we help each other out. Without her I'd probably just be more confused and in a worse position than I allready am.

Now comes the best part, you, the reades/viewers or w/e you wish to be called. I need some advice, becasue this is just crazy. There are more girls I talk to, but at the moment they're just friends. Things have gone from good, to bad, to the most soap opera worthy life experience I have ever seen. Please, if you have any advice, lay it on me, thank you all, see you next time.

How is it that the majority of the people you have alot in common with, live farther and farther away from you? And when good things happen at times where you really don't need them too, opportunity not only knocks, but breaks down the dor and trys to force you to take it. Then a song starts to play, one you have a strong connection with, and all  of it melts away into a dizzy haze of nostalgia and regret. The happy times, the sad times, the love and pain. All churning endlessly, waves going to and fro in the sea that is your mind. You lay back, close your eyes, and get lost in yourself. Images flashing where there should only be black, images of your past, of future even. Not clear, but fuzzy, distorted, like your view of the world. And you awaken to do it all again, takin it one slow, even step at a time. 

I wasn't really sure hwhat to put today but, tell me what you think of it.

Sitting there crying, not knowing what to do

I’m sitting here confused, I want to help you

I wish there was some way that I could cheer you up

I know your feeling down and life is fucked

No one to listen, no one seeming to care

I want to let you know that I’ll always be there

I know we don’t live close, or have known each other long

But I care for you deeply; I feel our friendship is strong

You listen when I bitch about my stupid little problems

And even if you didn’t say much, you’ve kinda helped my solve em

If there’s anything I can do, just say the word

I hope you know with me, you will always be heard

Even if you think no one will ever hear you out

I’m always a call away if you need to cry or shout

If you need a shoulder for support, I’ve always got two

And if there is something you need, there’s not much I won’t do

I know this poems short, stupid, and poorly thought out

And I know that in your mind there is a lot of doubt

This rhyming may seem silly, childish you could say

But I’ll always be here to listen, day after day

Hope u like

Death is quite welcome

It’s an escape from the pain

But where do I flee

Passion burning deep

Only for the one I loved

Doused by all others

You told me where I’m supposed to stand

But how is it that you can understand

All my pain when my life is a lie

How I always fall no matter how hard I try

That you see the good inside of me, no matter the mask I wear

How is it you make me feel like someone truly cares?

Is it true love I feel for you, or are you playing a simple game

I’ve been hurt to many times before; no longer will I be without aim

I hope you know that I’ll be there to catch you if you should fall

If you need to talk to me, just pick up the phone and call

I hope I live up to all the hype, the fame, the fantasy

I just hope you look into my eyes and see the real side of me

Don’t have somebody come between and run some interference

Because the truth is the reality behind the appearance

A friend in trouble, one who’s seen so much pain

A brave front, but inside, a pet left in the rain

Trying to act nice, but being torn up inside

The hurt coming to the surface, nowhere to hide

Trouble with family and so called friends

Yet she insists its okay, tries to pretend

I can see how much is gone, having been hurt myself

What can I do, I really want to help

But I’ll never know unless you give me a clue

On how to stop the pain, please, tell me what I can do

It’s killing me to know that I can’t be so near

That I’m so far away and you’re so full of fear

My shoulder is light, but my heart so heavy

With my shoulder so dry, I feel so empty

I’d like to do more than I possibly can

I truly want to help, please don’t misunderstand

I’ll always be here, so long as we’re talking

And I’ll always try to help, so long as I’m walking

This may not be the worst, but I know it’s not the best

Try to cheer up, because being so depressed

Can lead to a road you may not get off of

You’re standing on a bridge, you don’t need pushed or shoved

So let me help you down, help to make you smile

Make your sadness go away, laugh once in awhile

I know the path is rough, and there are many forks in the road

But please, if you’ll let me, I’ll help to show you where to go

Me and some others are going to be creating a wet-tshirt contest on t-blog. I would like to know what my viewers think. If you're not a  t-blog member nd can't post a comment you can email me at darknessfalls24680@yahoo.com  Let me know what you think.

Should I tell you how I feel and possibly end up hurt?

Or should I say nothing and slowly die?

Should I not by shy and go and flirt?

Or should I always be wondering why?

So many words with so little time,

How shall I ever tell?

It can’t be put in a simple rhyme,

Why does it seem when things that you want to happen, happen at such awkward times. And for the wrong reasons. Can anyone say they've really experienced "too much of a good thing" and have it turn out wrong?_? Where has the time gone. Time moving fast with me moving slow. For the first time in a long while I've wanted  nothing more than peace and quiet. Should I pursue happiness at my expense or others? Should I say what I feel and end up getting hurt or say nothing and slowly die? Where does one turn when all roads lead to a fork?

Why does it seem when things that you want to happen, happen at such awkward times. And for the wrong reasons. Can anyone say they've really experienced "too much of a good thing" and have it turn out wrong?_? Where has the time gone. Time moving fast with me moving slow. For the first time in a long while I've wanted  nothing more than peace and quiet. Should I pursue happiness at my expense or others? Should I say what I feel and end up getting hurt or say nothing and slowly die? Where does one turn when all roads lead to a fork?

Why does it seem when things that you want to happen, happen at such awkward times. And for the wrong reasons. Can anyone say they've really experienced "too much of a good thing" and have it turn out wrong?_? Where has the time gone. Time moving fast with me moving slow. For the first time in a long while I've wanted  nothing more than peace and quiet. Should I pursue happiness at my expense or others? Shuold I say what I feel and end up getting hurt or say nothing and slowly die? Where does one turn when all roads lead to a fork?